Laughing Yoginis

We arrived. We gathered. She gave oranges. We meditated. For 20 minutes. And the bell rang. Then silently one by one We ate those oranges. Some peeled before. Others peeling just then. Bits of orange highlights there In the meditation places... And having the first slice. Or some eating the last. Such a tangy zest. We delighted. We enjoyed. We departed.

I gave you a mala a while ago, a very special mala. But I never told you I gave you a hungry mala. It's as hungry as your little angel. Don't forget it wants to be fed a nice diet of mantra just as often.

Sometimes that happens. Friends grow and change and move on, and forget to say goodbye. And sometimes that is the best thing that could happen. They spread their wings and fly and find themselves in a new land, a new space, with new commiments. And it is too late to look back, to smile and wave and say they landed on their feet just fine. Sometimes I pause for a moment, and I smile and pray their paths are easy and rewarding. And I pray his is too. May he land gently and firmly on the path he seeks.

You are just as much a teacher as you are a friend. Although you are just a Dharma youngling, I learn so much from you and your patience. Thank you.

Liberating you from your stuff, one thing at a time?

Do you remember that one night you told me about that place? We were coming home in the car. I am not even sure what you said -- did you say anything? But when you told me about that place, I fell in love all over again -- I fell in love again with the nature of compassion and enlightenment. And I saw myself standing there in that place of warm light with you, and with our brothers and sisters. And there was nothing --- nothing at all -- that I could think of that would compare. There were no words, no emotions, no thoughts that could encompass the brilliance of that place. Like a waterfall of life and vibrance and alive and purpose. All sentient beings were there with us. And I remembered who I was, I remembereded when nothing else would help. All because you told me of this place. The place the one inside knows. Do you remember it my dear brother? It is home. I want to go home now. Will you go with me?

It is a job I've had since I was 14, but I never understood it this way. But when I am on the job, I only break certain rules. I break the old outdated rules that are holding people back from transformation. Of course, I am not perfect at it, so sometimes I break a few good rules too, or miss a few that ought to get broken. But mostly I work with the low hanging fruit which is pretty safe. After all, I am not enlightened. So when you are ready for positive change, come see me. We'll break some of your outdated rules together, and maybe we'll even break some of mine.

There she perched, pink toenails and all. Delicate strappy sandals and pink toenails. Perched right atop the shovel. Did I mention she was four feet in the air, or so it seemed, on a tiny ledge of dirt about twelve inches wide and way way in the air above the sidewalk in front of my house, yes, perched on the very tip of the shovel, pink toenails and all. The shovel sways lightly and she shifts her weight to compensate, both feet still balanced on the narrow edge. I'm looking up at her and she's stating quite clearly she has no idea how to plant the flowers we have -- did I mention none of us know what they are? She claims no knowledge or expertise in the area. And as she's going on about this, she gives a little hop from time to time, just managing to get the shovel and inch deeper into the ground, swaying precariously but nonchalantly. She has just saved me from a meltdown. You see, when it comes to plants I know nothing -- especially these --since the half wilted plants ...

I see the patterns of my mind reflected in the shapes I see in the clouds. Sometimes I see death, and other times joy. What about the death of suffering? This is a most joyous occasion.

There I was in Atlanta Georgia. On vacation of a sorts, with one day completely to myself. These are my dream days in a way. A sudden change of plans never needs to be communicated or negotiated. The day just flows. Somewhere in between the aquarium and the monastery I found myself in centennial park. Built for the 1996 Olympics. Sitting next to the "rings" fountain, eating lunch and drinking water. Today was the first very warm, sunny day. The light lunch was consumed quickly, and I moved on to the outer edge of the fountain, unpacking a book and taking of my shoes, lying on my belly watching the kids in the fountain. The fountain spits forth copious amounts of water in jets, randomly. It sometimes starts slow, one jet at a time around each ring. Other times a whole ring of jets shoot water up at once. Sometimes there is a slow meandering trail, and occasionally all the jets fire at once, completing a water pattern of the Olympic rings. Kids laugh and scream with delight...

I went on retreat and buried another dead self . Now I am emerging new and fresh again even as the vultures are picking the remnants of old habits off my bleached white bones. I will never be the same. Beat the drum, it is a new day. I feel alive again.

My acupuncturist announced recently that he has chosen the path of a healer over that of a clinician. Of course he was already a healer, but faced with another day and a rather difficult choice, the path of healing won out again. We think that we make a choice like this just once, and then its done. But very few things are like that. Marriage, ordination, friendship, healing, bodhicitta, service ... they are all choices we have every day, every moment, and every breath. And we often forget. So today, remember that you are free to choose. What would you do with this diamond day? Would you be a healer? A healer for yourself and for others? Would you be a meditator? Would you be a ray of sunshine?

My gentle friend, you went forth to homelessness recently. You took a very brave step away from a place you clearly do not belong. There was just a brief moment where you were not connected to anywhere in particular. Did you enjoy the freedom that comes from having nothing for that brief period of time? Did you find a glimpse of your true home? In your quest, my dear, remember that heart is always on the inside. You might just find home there too.

I told the nurse today that my blood pressure was usually 107/69. Then I said, no, more like 110/70. And it was. Exactly 110/70. Strange, but true. I am starting to feel a bit of irony coming on. *blink* Is this coincidence or are the yoginis laughing?

I am almost certain I was surreptitiously lumped in with "those reiki types" the other day. *laughing* It completely offended my sensibilities since I knew what he meant. *grin* He meant those woo-woo airy fairy goddessey types who seem to float past. Whose healing modalities are grounded in .....what? We aren't sure. Universal love and light? Irregardless of what a "reiki type" is in actuality, I am pretty sure this is what he meant. And I knew he didn't particularly like those types -- at least so far. *sigh* I think I share a couple of viewpoints with my gentle friend, ones we could probably improve. We all have them, but he pokes on mine like an acupuncturist who knows just the right spot. You see, I was truly offended to be a "reiki type" -- at least by my gentle friend's definition whatever it was. Maybe I was so offended to be a "reiki" type because it is true. Or maybe because it takes so little training to start doing reik...

Come my sister, onto the joyful path. There I will meet you -- any time any day. And we will dance within the yellow. The deep deep yellow of perfection.

My gentle friend, I sense that the ones who surround you do not know the answer to your question. I think they may not even know the question exists. I am convinced that you need fellow travellers who have been down that path, dove into that well, and come back with the answer. You need these people not because they can tell you your answer -- they cannot -- but because they will understand you, they will love you for who you are in ways that you have never known love, and their love and compassion will illuminate the possibilities. They will help you in your jorney to find home and may even show you how to answer your great heart question . And me? How do I fit in? Why did I show up? Although I am not sage or illuminated, I am there to encourage you in your quest. I believed in you deeply when I first met you -- even with all of the flaws and imperfections you may have. (Hey, we all have them.) So my gentle friend -- You can do it!

"Stop thinking this is all there is. Realize that for every ongoing war and religious outrage and environmental devastation and bogus Iraqi attack plan, there are a thousand counter-balancing acts of staggering generosity and humanity and art and beauty happening all over the world, right now, on a breathtaking scale, from flower box to cathedral. Resist the temptation to drown in fatalism, to shake your head and sigh and just throw in the karmic towel. Realize that this is the perfect moment to change the energy of the world, to step right up and crank your personal volume; right when it all seems dark and bitter and offensive and acrimonious and conflicted and bilious... there's your opening. Remember magic! And, finally, believe you are part of a groundswell, a resistance, a seemingly small but actually very, very large impending karmic overhaul, a great shift, the beginning of something important and potent and unstoppable." - Mark Morford, SF Chronicle columnist

I missed this retreat this year in order to go to Tibet. Photo compliments of one of the retreatants. New Mexico, January 2008

Part two of a four part apology. I just wanted to clear up any confusion. E-mail is so lousy sometimes, but I've been overwhelmed with deadlines and had to resort to it from time to time. We just needed to make some adjustments to our approach and wanted to share with you the reasons for the abrupt change. We appreciated all of your hard work and flexibilty, and we would not have made it through some of the tough parts without you. I wanted you to know that we were working with a lot of strong perceptions in our extended team as well as recognize that there are many valid and different styles and approaches. I guess I could have said just that, but there was some barrier in finding the right words. Please chalk up any ungracious communication to me being very young, still learning, and being very overwhelmed. My wise grandmother said, "sometimes thirty, sometimes three." when referring to my age. She meant the small handfull of things I have the fortune to understand some...

Menma 2007

I have decided that I am guilty of not listening closely enough to my acupuncturist. I'm going to owe him an apology, a big one. I guess the needles make me a bit nervous, but that's no excuse. He's listening to me, that is for sure. I can tell he finally understands how terrified I am of being stuck with needles and he really watches to make sure I am OK in the session. It was impressive the first time it all came together for him -- that understanding on some level of how difficult it is for me to work through my fear of needles. There was that time the needle hit a nerve, which was not his fault per say. But that isn't what I am talking about. Recently in our sessions there is this tiny pause after each needle.....sometimes he actually physically steps back for jsut a moment and ...well, watches. But in this quiet sort of pause, something special happens. If you've experienced an authentic healer work, you know a little bit about what I am speaking of. Now I rare...

Plumbing, 2003

Imagine all the brilliant things I could have said on New Years, but I have nothing to say. Its what I feel that cannot be expressed properly in words. One day, maybe I'll be able to share it another way. Here's to a new you, on new years.