Monster under the bed

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Shhhhhhh. Be very quiet. The monster of my anger is hanging out under the bed. Don't wake it up. All day its been there snoring....snoring so loudly that I can't concentrate. Every once in a while it snorts itself awake and yips out some strange comment and then nestles back in for a long tedious sleep.

Someone call the fire department, the dog catcher, anything. Does anyone have one of those dart gun thingy's that puts animals to sleep? The monster under the bed must go. But its a very volatile situation you see. Its big and dangerous. More dangerous than an 800 pound gorilla.

It must have lost its way, because a long time ago I turned it out to the wild. Said goodbye forever. Let it run joyfully back to some other place until it became transformed back into its natural state ... one of non-anger. But here it is again. Old habits perhaps. So I contemplated why it was there.

As I thought about it --- crept around it and tried not to wake it -- I realized what its really about. It's about being angry that I am wasting my time. I am too invested in petty things that hinder my practice, my compassion, my joy of living life. I feel like a slave to my ordinary side and I am rebelling inside. The monster under the bed is me....telling myself its time to change. The monster under the bed is some tired out angry environmental activist on its last leg, trying to shake the institution into understanding the havoc its causing because its polluting the finer things in life.

And then what happened to the monster under the bed? Its there, just a little. But mostly its OK, because since yesterday I have been apologizing, and making a plan -- a transition plan to move back to the place of practice.

See you all around the corner. Keep your eye out for a new me.

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