An ordinary story about a guy
I met him at a night club, I think. Out dancing -- could it have been at Carol's Cage? That night club I used to go to when I was 18 -- the one where I used to go with my 16 year old cousin who taught me how to mosh. She took me there. Then sometimes I went by myself.
He must have met the "me" that wore combat boots and leggings, and enjoyed dancing to Nine Inch Nails, Jesus Jones and Thrill Kill Cult. I was underage then, but I never tried to drink at Carol's. I was a dancer -- not professonal of course, just for fun. I would dance until I could barely stand. I would close the bar dancing. I had long hair then -- down to my waist. But I wore it up with chopsticks to the clubs, knowing that if I ever got into trouble, they would provide handy defense. ??? So there I was, and I believe there he was too..... but if it wasn't there, it must have been some club.
So I think this is how it goes. We met, we lost touch, time passed, we ran into each other again. Most of that time I was lonely and bored -- I had just moved recently and I was still getting to know a new group of friends. I was outgoing but very conservative in getting to know others. I no longer remember the little facts about the time we were getting to know each other, except for one day I saw his apartment and it was all white and brightly lit. Some suburban type of place, some condo or townhouse. Was he married then? I don't think so, but ultimately I was not invited to the wedding. Something must have happened. Maybe that happened during the time we lost touch. Maybe I was a former interest? Was I even an interest? Yes, early on I think but again I do not remember. Later, after the marriage, we became friends again. I remember a trip to cleveland and a coffee house. Did we dance that night? And there was definately that one night of dancing in Cleveland, with Jen. And then there was that other day in Madison, with the blue ring. Anyway.
I pick good friends, they are always stellar. And I am lucky they pick me. So he was one of those gems, although early on I did not understand what to appreciate. There was an unspoken heart centeredness in him that was unusual for a former med student turned engineer. He had a definite feminine side, but not in a queer way (hey, its my story I can tell it the way I saw it *grin*)
Anyway it is interesting how our paths diverged -- he's now submerssed in the sex positive culture. A culture that is about respect when it comes to physical intimacy. A culture that is open about sexual preference and diversity of choices. And he is a good author on the subject. And me, well I've been there too. Mostly out of curiosity and a desire to understand. And it was fun, a lot of fun! I learned a lot! But now I'm on a spiritual path in a very different and very focused way. A spiritual path that is a celibate path. Why? I am happier. I am not here out of a response to addiction or a intense denial. I tried many things and here I am, happier than I have ever been.
So why is it that my friend and I still resonate? I think it is because we both want to feel deeply and profoundly alive. We want a level of happiness and intimacy that transcends ordinary vanilla lifestyle. I know that intense breath of clarity that we both seek. We sure go about it differently. But maybe we can still learn a few bits of wisdom from each other, sans any naughtiness of course. For us, it is time for a new and different kind of beginning.
He must have met the "me" that wore combat boots and leggings, and enjoyed dancing to Nine Inch Nails, Jesus Jones and Thrill Kill Cult. I was underage then, but I never tried to drink at Carol's. I was a dancer -- not professonal of course, just for fun. I would dance until I could barely stand. I would close the bar dancing. I had long hair then -- down to my waist. But I wore it up with chopsticks to the clubs, knowing that if I ever got into trouble, they would provide handy defense. ??? So there I was, and I believe there he was too..... but if it wasn't there, it must have been some club.
So I think this is how it goes. We met, we lost touch, time passed, we ran into each other again. Most of that time I was lonely and bored -- I had just moved recently and I was still getting to know a new group of friends. I was outgoing but very conservative in getting to know others. I no longer remember the little facts about the time we were getting to know each other, except for one day I saw his apartment and it was all white and brightly lit. Some suburban type of place, some condo or townhouse. Was he married then? I don't think so, but ultimately I was not invited to the wedding. Something must have happened. Maybe that happened during the time we lost touch. Maybe I was a former interest? Was I even an interest? Yes, early on I think but again I do not remember. Later, after the marriage, we became friends again. I remember a trip to cleveland and a coffee house. Did we dance that night? And there was definately that one night of dancing in Cleveland, with Jen. And then there was that other day in Madison, with the blue ring. Anyway.
I pick good friends, they are always stellar. And I am lucky they pick me. So he was one of those gems, although early on I did not understand what to appreciate. There was an unspoken heart centeredness in him that was unusual for a former med student turned engineer. He had a definite feminine side, but not in a queer way (hey, its my story I can tell it the way I saw it *grin*)
Anyway it is interesting how our paths diverged -- he's now submerssed in the sex positive culture. A culture that is about respect when it comes to physical intimacy. A culture that is open about sexual preference and diversity of choices. And he is a good author on the subject. And me, well I've been there too. Mostly out of curiosity and a desire to understand. And it was fun, a lot of fun! I learned a lot! But now I'm on a spiritual path in a very different and very focused way. A spiritual path that is a celibate path. Why? I am happier. I am not here out of a response to addiction or a intense denial. I tried many things and here I am, happier than I have ever been.
So why is it that my friend and I still resonate? I think it is because we both want to feel deeply and profoundly alive. We want a level of happiness and intimacy that transcends ordinary vanilla lifestyle. I know that intense breath of clarity that we both seek. We sure go about it differently. But maybe we can still learn a few bits of wisdom from each other, sans any naughtiness of course. For us, it is time for a new and different kind of beginning.
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